Going Pigeon: Phillies at Marlins - 9/14/10: djpigeon@comcast.net

Pre-game:
Cole Hamels (10-10, 3.06) takes the ball for the Fightin Phils against Marlins farmhand Adalberto Mendez.
Mendez has started just one major league game - and it was against the Phils on Labor Day.
In the matinee of a day-night doubleheader, Mendez bamboozed the Phils using only two pitches: an average fastball and a mediocre slider. The rookie allowed just 1 hit in 6 innings.
The Phils owe this punk a beat-down tonight.

Top 1st:
Realizing that Mendez is nothing special, Shane Victorino and Placido Polanco start the game by slamming a pair of meat fastballs for base hits.
Polanco sends his pitch to the warning track in left-center, scoring Victorino easily.
The Phils rally ends there as Chase Utley jams himself on a high-outside fastball, Ryan Howard is robbed on a tremendous play by Dan Uggla and Raul Ibanez dives after an outside sinker and grounds out.

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: NON-SEQUITR
Tremendous play by Dan Uggla

Bottom 1st: PHI 1 - FLA 0
With two strikes, Marlin leadoff hitter and pest Emilio Bonifacio fights off an outside change-up and is rewarded with a dunk single over 2nd.

As The World's Greatest Hitter in the World, Logan Morrison, brings his .304 batting average to the plate, Chris 'The Naked Emperor' Wheeler dons his Captian Obvious Cape.

Wheeler: "Bonifacio is fast . . .once he gets a good jump it's hard to catch him."
Pigeon: "Ferraris are fast . . .once they get a head start it's hard to catch them."

I haven't ripped the Emperor in over a week. . . it felt good.

Ryan Howard snares Morrison's grounder and makes a nice throw to second to force out Bonifacio.

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: THE OTHER PLACE


Watching the game on MLB Extra Innings, Satan watches (1) the Phils retire Logan Morrison and (2) Ryan Howard complete a 3-6 force-out on the same play.  Feeling a chill in his apartment, he peeks out the window at the thermometer on the Eternal Lake of Fire National Bank across the street.
34 . . .33 . . .32 degress farenheit.


The Prince of Darkness mutters to himself: 'I hate when this happens!" and grabs a snuggli so he can resume watching the game.

Hanley Ramirez crushes an outside fastball to right.  Cole Hamels paces the mound trying to remember where he left his accruate fastball.  Dan Uggla dinks a 3-0 change-up through the spot Ryan Howard vacated to hold Ramirez on first - resulting in an RBI single and a tie ballgame.

As he mourns the demise of his 25-inning scoreless streak, Cole Hamels begins to have flashbacks of his disasterous 2009 season.  Pacing the mound at Joe Robbie/Pro Player/Dolphin/Land Shark/Sun Life Stadium, Hamels suddenly hears a voice from the recent past . . . 8/13/10, to be precise.

"Do, or do not . . .there is no try!"

Unsure where that random piece of wisdom came from, Cole Hamels induces Gaby Sanchez to fly out to right, then freezes Mike Stanton with a 93-mph fastball to end the inning.

Top 2nd: PHI 1 - FLA 1
With one out and his Phils offense slipping back into their inexplicible coma against Adalberto Mendez, Cole Hamels hears the odd voice again as he steps to the plate.

"You must unlearn what you have learned."

As if guided by a presence greater than his own, Cole Hamels closes his eyes as Mendez winds up to throw the 1-1 pitch.  Hamels never sees the 92-mph fastball, but he times his swing perfectly and scolds a single past Uggla for a single.

But Victorino and Polanco refuse to surrender their instincts and are retired to end the inning.

Top 5th: PHI 1 - FLA 1
Inspired by his otherworldly guidance, Cole Hamels begins to dominate the Marlin hitters; striking out 2 in the 2nd inning, 2 in the third and 3 in the fourth.

But the Phillie hitters are again dazed and confused by the pedestrian skill of righthander Adalberto Mendez.

Shane Victorino leads off the fifth by blasting a double that one-hops the wall in right-center.  Polanco follows with a walk.
The numbers on Mendez at this point should be impossible: 37 balls and 38 strikes, 1 run allowed on 4 hits

Once thing helping Mendez tonight is Chase Utley, who interrupts a fine September with a brutal night at the plate.  He sends a can of corn to right for the first out. 
After Ryan Howard draws a walk, Marlins manager Edwin Rodriguez decides to pull Mendez in favor of submarine reliever Burke Badenhop.
The strategy works . . . sort of.  Jayson Werth bounces a feeble grounder to Wes Helms at 3rd, but Victorino is too fast to risk a 5-2 force-out, and scores on a fielders choice.

Bottom 7th: PHI 2 - FLA 1
Regarded by many blue-collar Phillies fans fragile and weak-mended, Cole Hamels begins the Marlin seventh with 11 strikeouts on 107 pitches.  The mercurial lefthander outalsts pinch-hitter Hector Luna in a nine-pitch dual that ends with a strikeout, then makes Bonifacio strikeout victim 13.
Hamels gets to a 2-2 count on Logan Morrison, but eventually succumbs to a walk - after all, Morrison is the WGHITW.
Charlie Manuel takes the ball at this point and the gathering (this cannot be honestly called a crowd) made up of 80% Phillies fans gives the lefthander a standing ovation.  Hamels ends the night allowing 1 run on 5 hits, 2 walks and 13 strikouts.
Like Ryan Madson: it would appear the Cole Hamels has 'done growed up'.

Top 9th: PHI 2 - FLA 1
Cole Hamels has given way to the Phils bullpen, and while Chad Durbin and Ryan Madson have (barely) kept the Marlins off the board, two runs does just does not feel like enough to win tonight, especially with Brad Lidge coming off his mysterious elbow injury.

Jayon Werth can make life easier for everyone if he would just get a hit with two outs and runners on first and second . . .but Clay Hensely strikes him out.

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: MATH AND THE CAVEMAN
Werth's strikeout makes him 6-for-62 on the season with 2 outs and runners in scoring position.

For some perspective: here's Werth's key batting stats:
.288 batting average - 507 at-bats - 146 base hits - 73 walks - .379 on-base percentage

When there are NOT 2 outs and runners in scoring position:
.331 batting average - 445 at-bats - 140 base hits - 65 walks (estimated) - .402 OBP (est.)

All joking aside: Werth might do better closing his eyes with 2 outs and RISP.

Bottom 9th: PHI 2 - FLA 1
Brad Lidge comes in for the first time in 8 days with a one-run lead at Florida.  Not a good scenario, but Lidge is equal to the task as he retires the side in order to seal the win.
As an exclamation point, Lidge gets TWGHIW to send a can-of-corn to Victorino for the final out.

Final score: Phillies 2 - Marlins 1

Final score from Atlanta: Nationals 6 - Braves 0

I am Don Pigeon and I am OUT!!!

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Going Pigeon: Phillies at Marlins - 9/13/10: djpigeon@comcast.net

Pre-game:
The Phils take a 1-game lead into Miami for a three game series against the Marlins.
Joe Blanton looks to continue his looong climb to respectibility against Florida lefthander Andrew Miller, who the Phils tagged for 7 earned runs in 4 innings.
Miller's splits include a .545 opposing batting average against left-anded hitters.
Looks like another night of beer-league softball between the Phils and the Fish.

Top 1st:
Andrew Miller couldn't locate a breaking ball to save his life last week.
It looks like Miller practiced, or something, because his off-speed pitches key a 1-2-3 inning tonight.

Bottom 1st: 0-0
Joe Blanton gets off to a strong start, retiring Emilio Bonifacio and even the Great Logan Morrison on grounders.
Hanley Ramirez strokes a routine line-drive to left.  It should be the third out, but falls in for a hit becuase Raul Ibanez is playing somehwere in suburban Jacksonville.
Dan Uggla draws a walk to make things interesting, but Blanton locks Gaby Sanchez with a filthy curve to end the inning.

Top 2nd: 0-0
While Jayson Werth scored plenty on South Beach during the Phils last visit to Miami, he was scoreless on the baseball diamond going 3-for-15 with 7 strikeouts.
Looks like Werth layed off the nightclubs this time around, as he strokes his first ever hit against Miller over the right-field fence.
Two batters later, Wilson Valdez bats as Chris Wheeler and Tom McCarthy sing his praises

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: CRIMINAL MINDS PART IV (continued from 9/8/10)
After hours of interrogation, Nate Robinson is released from Philadelphia Police Headquarters due to a lack of evidence.

As Special Agent Emily Prentiss tries to grab a cat nap on the B.A.U. jet en route to Miami, she is jolted by her cell phone.
FBI Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia is on the line.

Garcia: "Prentiss!  I hope you haven't eaten because I got some disgusting news!"
Prentiss: "I was too tired to eat . . . by the way you woke me up."
Garcia: "The crime lab here figured out that the fecal matter on the sock puppet-"
Prentiss: "REALLY, Garcia?"
Garcia: "-stay with me girlfiend - it contained traces and ground beef and A-1 sauce."
Prentiss: "So you woke me to say the unsub ate a hamburger before he took a crap."
Garcia: "Wait for it . . .the only fast-food joint in Philly that serves burgers with A-1 sauce is Checkers.  And the crime techs found a Checkers wrapper in one of the player lockers!
Prentiss: "So our unsub is Joe Blanton?"

Top 3rd: PHI 1 - FLA 0
The Jayson Werth home run seems to have shaken the meager confidence of Andrew Miller.  The Phils are collecting base hits but Miller keeps recording timely outs to keep the score 1-0.
But no amount of timely pitches can defend against the Napalm that Miller tosses to Utley with 2 outs in the third.  The ball lands about 25 rows back in the right field seats.

A smiling blonde shows Utley's home-run ball to her brunette companion.

"These Miami Heat pre-game shows are LONG, but they're kind of fun!"

Top 4th: PHI 2 - FLA 0
Andrew Miller entered the game with only two home-runs allowed in 2010.
The Phils enter the fourth inning having already doubled that total.
Panamanian native Carlos Ruiz can recognize an explosive substance as well as anyone, and sends Miller's next ball of Napalm into the blue seats at Joe Robbie/Pro Player/Dolphin/Land Shark/Sun Life Stadium.

Sounds like the makings of a Billy Joel song.

Raul Ibanez (walk) scores ahead of Ruiz to make the score 4-0.

Top 5th: PHI 4 - FLA 0
The Florida Marlins are no friend of the Atlanta Braves, and as they become aware that the Braves are pounding the visiting Nationals, they decide they have nothing better to do that aid their erstwhile rivals from Philly.

Chase Utley gets picked off first base, but Gaby Sanchez is too busy checking the NY Jets on his fantasy football team to bother thowing to second base.

Andrew Miller than walks Ryan Howard before allowing Werth to dunk a single to left.  Logan Morrison, who owned the Phils at Citizens Bank Park last week, is distracted when Joe Flacco - his fantasy quarterback is sacked by the Jet defense.

Morrison grabs Werth's hit but sneaks a peek at his IPhone and heaves the ball into the Phillies dugout, allowing Howard to score behind Chase Utley.

Carlos Ruiz continues his ownership of JRPPDLS Stadium with an RBI single to score Werth.

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: CRIMINAL MINDS PART V
Penelope Garcia gathers herself after her collegue's snide remark.


Garcia: "You leave my sweetheart Joe out of this . . . the locker with the Checker' wrapper belonged to Wilson Valdez!"

Special Agent Spencer Reed becomes engrossed in the phone converstation and cuts off his Facebook chat with Pheobe from the Game Stop store outside of Qunatico.

Reed: "There is motive here.  Wilson Valdez has been a journeyman infielder his entire career.  Now he's with a championship contender where's he just one pulled hamstring away the starting lineup."

Prentiss: "Reed . . . there have been 17 Phillie players on the disabled list this year.  Surely Wilson Valdez can't be repsonsible for all of the injuries?"

Garcia: "OMG!  Guys . . . I just pulled up Valdez's work records from back in the Dominican Republic - his family struggled to make ands meet and he used to help his mom . . . sow sock puppets!"

Prentiss: Garcia!  Get Hoch and Morgan!  They need to get to Valdez's apartment NOW!"

TO BE CONTINUED . . .


Unlike last Wednesday's nail-biter victory over Miller and the Fish, the Phils don't allows nerves to enter the picture.  The Phils add 3 runs in the sixth and 1 run in the seventh. 
Cowboy Joe Blanton finishes 6 strong innings the the Marlins never draw closer than the final score of 11-4.

Final score: Phillies 11 - Marlins 4
Final score from Atlanta: Braves 4 - Nationals 0.

I am Don Pigeon and I am OUT!!!

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Going Pigeon: Phillies at Mets - 9/12/10: djpigeon@comcast.net

Pre-game:
The Phils are sending Roy Oswalt against Jonathon Niese.
Niese brings a 3.85 ERA into the game, including 2 earned runs in 12 innings against the Phils in two starts.
In other words - to paraphrase Richie Ashburn - 'Somebody's hitting against him!"

Top 1st:
Shane Victorino (ground single), Placido Polanco (walk) and Chase Utley (RBI single) get the first inning off to a promising start for the Phils.  But with runners at 1st and 3rd and the heart of the Phils order on deck, Niese realizes what he fogot to do in the Mets clubhouse.

The Mets rookie catches the toss-back from catcher Josh Thole and slips off his infielders mitt.  Niese then pops open a ring that he wears at all times - and utters an odd phase:

"The Secret compartment in my ring I fill . . .
 . . .with an Underdog Energy Vitamin Pill!

After slamming down the pink tablet, Niese feels a burst of power and adrenalin.  He blows away Ryan Howard with 91-mph heat, then dazzles Jayson Werth and Raul Ibanez with 87-mph cutters.
K . . .K . . K and the side is retired.

As Niese skips back to the Mets dugout, he sings softly to himself . . .

When my Mets are in trouble, I am not slow . . .
For it's hip-hip-hip and away I go!!!

Top 3rd: PHI 1 - NYM 0
Niese fears that his Energy Pill may be wearing off as Placido Polanco smokes a double to the gap in center.  Chase Utley taps a soft grounder to second for the second out, but Ryan Howard slaps a single up the middle to score Polanco.

Niese opens his ring again, only to see that the secret compartment is empty.

My pills are gone - I can't save the earth!
Why am I worried? It's just Jayson Werth!

Niese flutters an 0-2 curveball, and Werth chases it like a puppy chasing trash truck.
K - to end the inning.

Incidently, Roy Oswalt is mowing down Mets like he wants to get home for Sunday night football between the Dallas Cowboys and the Washington Redskins.

Top 5th: PHI 2 - NYM 0
Roy Oswalt isn't the only Phillie rushing so he can catch some opening day NFL football.
With no one on and two outs, Placido Polanco swings at a high first-pitch fastball.

Oswalt: "Yo, Polly!  Could you let me get a little rest?
Polanco: "No way, baby!  Gotta get me some Eagles-Packers at 4:15.  I got Aaron Rodgers as my fantasy quarterback!"

Top 7th: PHI 2 - NYM 0
Jonathan Niese is feeling tired.  The game is still within reach, but he somehow misplaced one of his energy pills.  He prepares to face Raul Ibanez to start the inning - and conjures a rhyme.

"I'm starting to sweat and feel some chills. . .
I'll need some help to beat the Phils!

Niese has enough strength to push a fastball past Ibanez, but his next offering is at Raul's knees - which is Nirto Zone for a left-handed bat.

Carlos Beltran made a lot of Phils fans rejoice when he face-planted the Citizens Bank Park fence last month. Today, the centerfielder breathes a sigh of relief as Ibanez's laser streaks over the fence.

Bottom 9th: NYM 3 - PHI 0
Roy Oswalt enters the 9th inning having thrown 104 pitches.  His third pitch to Jose Reyes is smashed off his right calf, resulting in a single for Reyes and 500,000 stopped hearts across Phillies Nation.

As trainer Scott Sheridan and manager Charlie Manual fumble through rosaries in hopes that Oswalt is not the latest victim of the Bobby Cox Voodoo Curse of 2010, Roy Oswat spots a pink tablet of some sort on the Citi Field mound alongside the rosin bag.

He swallows the tablet and a rhyme pops into his head:

"I don't care what the trainer says . . 
I'll be all-right 'cause I LOVE PEZ!!!

Empowered by Jonanthon Niese's misplaced Underdog EngeryVitamin Pill, Oswalt jams Angel Pagan into a 1-6-3 double play and blows away Carlos Beltran on a 94-mph laser beam to end the game.

Final score: Phillies 3 - Mets 0

Braves to host St. Louis later tonight.

I am Don Pigeon and I am OUT!!!

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Going Pigeon: Phillies at Mets - 9/11/10: djpigeon@comcast.net

An off day and a busy Friday night kept me off the keyboard for 48 hours, but it's a fine Saturday for baseball and a little Eminem . .

GUESS WHO'S BACK . . .

BACK AGAIN . . .

PIGEON'S BACK!

TELL A FRIEND!

Pre-game:
The Phils have a few obstacles to face today if they want to push their winning streak to 5 games.
1 - They have to somehow conjure a quality start out of Kyle Kendrick: which is possible since Citi-Field is the last place where KK resembled a major league pitcher.
2 - The Phils have the misfortune of playing in NYC on September 11.  That's some serious Karma to overcome.  I have to admit - this is one day that I despise the NY Mets just a little . . .bit . . . less.

Top 1st:
After Shane Victorino crushes a fly ball that Angel Pagan runs down in the right-center gap, Placido Polanco drops a ball perfectly on the right-field line for a double - WHAAAAATTTT???  The ball is called foul - the baseball sized divot on the foul line is attributed to aliens from the Men In Black movie.
Karma, anyone?

Bottom 1st: 0-0
With two outs and Jesus Feliciano (single) on first, Kyle Kendrick pulls out his travel size Fear Toxin inhaler and walks right-handed slugger David Wright on four pitches.
Ike Davis brings some hefty power stats and a .259 batting average to the plate.  But he also brings a left-handed swing, which against Kendrick adds about .150 to Davis's average.  The new math works in New York's favor as Davis scores Feliciano with a liner to the RF corner.

Top 2nd: NYM 1 - PHI 0
Feeling guilty about stealing an RBI against the helpless Kendrick, Ike Davis tries to atone for his larceny by gifting a one-out rror to put the Geico Caveman on first.  Left fielder Lucas Duda joins his teamate in the giving spirit by failing to call off Jose Reyes on Raul Ibanez's routine pop-up.  But Brian Schneider bails out the Metropolitans by rolling a taylor-made 3-6-3 double play to Davis.

Bottom 3rd: NYM 1 - PHI 0

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: WIRED FOR SOUND
Kyle Kendrick: "Um, Mr. Reyes?  My mom made some of the toll-house cookies, and um, I think you're a really good player and all, and um, I wonder if maybe um, you might want one.

Jose Reyes: "My MAN!!  Hook me up with one of those!"

Reyes lauches Kendrick's mom's best toll-house cookie into the second deck of cavernous Citi Field. 

Jose Reyes: "HEY KYLE!  TELL YOUR MOM THANKS FOR THE COOKIE!  AND FOR LAST NIGHT!!!"

Top 4th: NYM 2 - PHI 0
With a chance to drive in teammate Chase Utley with two outs and boost his Free Agent profile on FOX as the announcers discuss his earning potential, Jayson Werth dribbles a tee-ball grounder to Reyes for an inning-ending forceout.

When Werth opens his locker after this game, the following message will be waiting on his cellphone

From: Scapegoat
To: Geico

You do know that the shadows have reached the mound AND home plate, right Jayson?
Keep it light - Milt T.

Top 5th: NYM 2 - PHI 0
Nothing of note happens here, except for an odd discussion between FOX announcers Matt Vasgersian and Tim McCarver.

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: FALLEN IDOL
When I was growing up in the 1970's, I loved catcher Tim McCarver.  He always caught Steve Carlton and provided a steady and occasionally clutch bat for the contending Phils teams of Danny Ozard and Dallas Green.
But Tim McCarver went into broadcasting after his career and convinced himself that he INVENTED THE SPORT.
I'm no Mets fan, but Tim McCarver's suggestion that Citi Field should shorten it's fences for the sake of offense TO HELP THE METS is sheer lunacy.
The only reason the Mets were a factor in the NL East race through the All-Star break is because of great pitching and small-ball hitting.  If the fences at Citi Field are shortened, the Mets will lose what I think is their biggest home-field advantage.  Surely a FORMER CATCHER knows better than to suggest otherwise.
Rant off.

Top 6th: NYM 2 - PHI 0
Kyle Kendrick gives the Phils 5 innings of solid if not spectacular work, and is rewarded with a seat on the bench as Greg Dobbs looks at strike three to lead off the inning.
I mean - I'm not a baseball expert or anything, but I think Kyle Kendrick could have looked at a two-strike pitch on the inside corner. 

Bottom 6th: NYM 2 - PHI 0
After three pitching changes and two pinch-hitters, the Mets load the bases with one out.  Jose Contreras gets pinch hitter Luis Hernandez to send a short fly ball to Werth in right.  David Wright tags up on the play, but Geico makes a good throw home - where Brian Schneider makes a better tag to end the inning.

Top 7th: NYM 2 - PHI 0
With Chase Utley (HBP) and Raul Ibanez (bloop single) on base and two outs, Brian Schnieder should be looking fastball inner-half  with the count 2-0 in his favor.
Well, he gets the 2-0 fastball inner-half and belt-high.  How he pops out to Jose Reyes behind shortstop I'll never know.

Bottom 7th: NYM 2 - PHI 0
Jose Contreras retires the first two batters easily, and then the September 11 Karma strikes the Phillies hard.
Jesus Feliciano - bloop single to center
Angel Pagan - line drive that Raul Ibanez plays into single plus error.
David Wright - intentional walk
J.C. Romero in to pitch:
Romero starts Ike Davis - remember, he entered the game with a .259 batting average - with three balls out of the strike zone.
And I mean way, way out of the strike zone.  I've come closer to sleeping with Meghan Fox than Romero came to throwing a strike on those pitches.
Romero reaps what he sows when Davis slaps a two-run single up the box to extend the Mets lead to 4-0.

Top 8th: NYM 4 - PHI 0
Blame it on 9/11 or Citi Field or day baseball, but the Phils have been unable to hit Mike Pelfrey this afternoon.
But with one out in the eighth, pinch-hitter Ross Gload makes an important discovery.
Realizing that Pelfrey IS NOT Bob Gibson, Gload smokes a towering one-out double to the warning track in right-center.
Realizing that Pelfrey IS NOT Bob Gibson, Shane Victorino scorches a single to score Gload.
Realizing that Pelfrey IS NOT Bob Gibson, Jerry Manuel pulls him for Mike Parnell.

Placido Polanco continues the rally with single past Luis Hernandez to put runners at first and second.
But Gerry Manuel brings in lefty Pedro Feliciano to bamboozle Chase Utley into a fielder's choice grounder to second.
Ryan Howard - who had nothing to show for crushing three balls earlier in the game - dunks a Texas League single to center to score Victorino and Polanco.
WE HAVE A BALLGAME!

Not so fast!  Righthander Manny Acosta comes in to face Jayson Werth.  Since there are two outs, the caveman is retired on a 96-mph fastball at his eyebrows.

Top 9th: NYM 4 - PHI 3.
Hisanori Takahashi recently told a reporter through an interpreter that he doesn't throw hard enough to be a true closer.
Naturally, Raul Ibanez lines out to left on a fastball that registers 93-mph according to FOX.
Nick Evans - who replaced strating LF Lucas Duda - makes a nice sliding catch on the ball.  IIronically, banez has misplayed several such hits in the past month.
Mike Sweeney then sends a BOMB off the wall in left-center for a double.

**Remember when McCarver said the Mets needed to move that fence in?  This is further proof that - for Mets fans - that is a BAD idea.  That ball would have been gone almost anywhere else.

Wilson Valdez bids for an infield hit, but unlike J.C. Romero, Takahashi can field his position,  Valdez's groundout moves pinch-runner John Mayberry Jr. to third.
But while pinch-hitter Carlos Ruiz has been dominant in many ballparks, he has sucked hard at Citi Field this season, batting just .176
The Beast sends a dribbler to Wright at third, who easily fires to Ike Davis to end the game.

Final score: Mets 4 - Phillies 3.
Final score in Atlanta: Braves 6 - Cardinals 3 (12 inn.)

Tied again.

You really didn't think the Phils would make this easy, would you?

I am Don Pigeon and I am OUT!!!

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Going Pigeon: Marlins at Phillies - 9/8/10: djpigeon@comcast.net

Pre-game:
Just when it looked like Bobby Cox had used all of his 2010 Philadephia Phillies voodoo dolls, the SOB finds another one . . .
BRAD LIDGE

This is unbelievable: Lidge finally starts to resemble a pitcher who resembles the pitcher who struck out Eric Hinske for the final out of the 2008 World Series, and now he has a HYPEREXTENDED ELBOW???

Oh well!  Business as usual.  Adversity builds character, and this team is the 1927 Yankees of freaking character!

Top 1st:
By my estimation, the Phils need 7 complete innings from Cole Hamels to have a chance of winning this game.  The first inning goes well as Hamels sets the Fish down in order.
Hamels even retires Logan Morrison: The World's Greatest Hitter in the World!
Maybe we have a chance . . .

Bottom 1st: 0-0
The Phils are facing another Build-A-Stiff in Marlin starter Andrew Miller, who has size and talent on his side but little else - like poise, savvy or control.  He enters the game with just 15 innings pitched for the Fish after posting a minor league record of 1-8.
He is left-handed, however, so make no assumptions.

Shane Victorino guesses right on Miller's second pitch - a 91-mph fastball in the Nitro Zone - for a double to left-center.
Placido Polanco lines out to right field, but Chase Utley draws a walk to put runners at 1st and 2nd.
Ryan Howard goes into pennant drive mode and crushes a liner toward Florida Mike Stanton in right.  The Phils catch a break as Stanton gets his Domonic Brown on and boots the ball back to the warning track, allowing both Victorino and Utley to score.
The Phils miss a golden opportunity to score as Howard misplaces third base just long enough to get thrown out at home following a Rollins two-out single.

Bottom 2nd: PHI 2 - FLA 0
Raul Ibanez leads off by smoking a Miller fastball to the right-field fence.  Stanton nearly makes a web-gem catch, but the ball spins off his mitt for a double.
Carlos Ruiz draws a walk, and Cole Hamels sends a sacrifice bunt toward third base.  Wes Helms takes the opportunity to re-enact his Phillies fielding career and fires high-and-wide to first base for an error.

But in typical 2010 Phils fashion, the Phils manage just a single run when Victorino grounds to third to score Ibanez.

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: A RETRACTION
Typical 2010 Phils fashion would have meant no runs after bases-loaded and no-outs.

Bottom 3rd: PHI 3 - FLA 0
Somewhere in the Atlanta area, there is a very powerful Voodoo Priestess who had a little too much to drink following a Braves game . . .
In front of a elderly Braves fan . . .
With a camrea . . .
And that elderly fan is BOBBY COX!!

There is no other way in earth to describe what just happened.  Jimmy Rollins finally starts to resemble a hitter who resembles the 2007 NL MVP, and then he injures his leg (calf? knee? vericose veins?) halfway between 1st and 2nd.

Rollins eventually scores on a dink hit by Carlos Ruiz, but is forced to leave the game upon reaching the dugout.

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: CRIMINAL MINDS
Deep in the bowels of Citizens Bank Park, a hispanic fellow in a Phillies jersey is furiously trying to flush an object down the toilet.

COME ON-COME ON-COME ON!!!, the fellow shouts as he feels the familiar vibration of his IPhone 4.

After 5 rings, he decides he needs to pick up.

"Valdez!  We need you out here.  Jimmy's hurt his leg again!"

The utility infielder dashes away from the toilet as the water starts to swirl.  Seconds later, the toilet clogs and the offending item is pushed to the surface.

Top 4th: PHI 4 - FLA 0
Comcast Sportsnet shows three middle-aged men joyfully eating some barbecue, prepared with love by Greg Luzinski.
I'm guessing they have no idea that Rollins had to leave the game with a leg injury. 
I know I have no freaking appetitie right now!

One thing you can say about Ryan Howard: when the Big Piece gets into pennant drive mode, injuries to closers and MVP shortstops don't phase him. 

With Polanco and Utley on base, Howard ignites some Andrew Miller Napalm for a 3-run oppostive field home run.

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: CRIMINAL MINDS PART II

With Vicks Vapor-Rub generously appiled to their noses, Special Agents Emily Prentiss and Spencer Reed examine the fecal-drenched object recovered in the home clubhouse lavratory at CBP.

Reed: "It would seem that someone was trying to dispose of this item."
Prentiss: "You sure about that?  I don't see any toilet paper on the roll - maybe the guy was just making do with what he had.  What did he have, anyway?"
Reed: "It looks like some short of sack puppet - it reminds me of the dude from Little Big Planet"
Prentiss: "What the hell are you talking about, Reed?"
Reed: "You know . . . Little Big Planet?  The PS3 game?  Game Informer PS3 Game of the Year?"
Prentiss: "You really . . . really need to find a girlfriend!"
Reed: "Funny you metioned that . . . the girl at Game Stop who sold me Little Big Planet wrote her cell number on the receipt"

Bottom 5th: PHI 7 - FLA 0
Phils add two more runs with the help of an infield hit by Hamels and a Gaby Sanchez error.

Top 7th: PHI 9 - FLA 0
Hamels strikes out Brad Davis to end his night with 7 scoreless innings.

Top 8th: PHI 10 - FLA 0
After adding an insurance run in the home seventh, the Phils bring in newly acquired Nate Robinson - a former Marlin - to rest the back end of their bullpen.

Robinson strikes out Mike Rivera to start the inning, and then proceeds with his attempted homocide of the Phillies season.

Emelio Bonofacio lobs a single past the outstretched glove of Utley about 150-feet from home plate.  Robinson then walks the invincible Craig Morrison.

Robinson then dominates Gabby Sanchez for five pitches.  The sixth pitch . . . not so much . . . as Robinson grooves a Napalm rocket at the knees that slices a 20-mph headwind for a 3-run homer.

After a walk to Dan Uggla, Robinson strikes out Mike Stanton for the second out.  Wes Helms then reaches on a grounder as Chase Utley over-rotates while throwing to first .

Robinson sends some E.L. Fudge to Cameron Maybin, who lines a rocket into the left-field corner to score Uggla and Helms.

David Herndon comes in to record the third out, but not before Scott Cousins rips a double to score Maybin.

The Marlins score six runs and my dinner is coming back for an encore.

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: CRIMINAL MINDS PART III

Special agents Prentiss and Reed are at Philadelphia Police Headquarters trying to identify the sock puppet evidence from the CBP crime scene.

Reed: "There's a lot of fecal matter here and the dye has bled in the material, but I think I can make out some letters:  R-?-L-L-?-?-S
Prentiss:"Hey, here's a note! 

"The Phillies are going down!  Los Braves rule!
Signed, Nate Robinson

Prentiss: "I'm gonna call Agent Morgan to bring this guy in - he's got to be our unsub!  He even pitched for the Marlins last year!"
Reed: "Yeah, but it seems odd to me that a Caucasian relief pitcher from the Marlins would use te expresssion Los Braves."

 . . . TO BE CONTINEUD


Bottom 8th:  PHI 10 - FLA 6.
During the golden age of baseball, teams would let up when they led 10-0 because old time ballparks and old-time baseballs didn't permit those kind of comebacks.

The golden age of baseball is gone and the Phils enter the home eighth leading with a 4-run lead and a depleted bullpen in a shooting gallery stadium.

Ross Gload tries to provide insurance, but comes up about 3 feet short with a double off the RF wall.

In typical 2010 Phillies fashion, Gload is stranded at second.

Top 9th: PHI 10 - FLA 6.
Ryan Madson is forced to enter the game when Herndon walks The World's Greatest Hitter in the World with one out.  Madson uses eight pitches to close out the Marlins and prevent countless suicides on the Walt Whitman and Betsy Ross Bridges.

Final score: Phillies 10 - Marlins 6
Final score from Pittsburgh: Braves 9 - Pirates 3.

I am Don Pigeon and I am OUT!!!

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Going Pigeon: Marlins at Phillies - 9/7/10: djpigeon@comcast.net

Pre-game:
Domonic Brown was supposed to bat 7th tonight, but he suffered a quad strain during last night's game.
Might that be the reason Brown was thrown out by 10 feet in the second inning?? Hmmm
Jayson Werth - who turned into a puddle when the Phils were in Florida last month - will bat 7th and play right.

Top 1st:
With one out, Logan Morrison - the World's Greatest Hitter in the World - comes up.  Phils starter Joe Blanton couldn't finish his pre-game plate of E.L. Fudge cookies, so he offers one to Morrison.  Double to right.
But Blanton zips the cookie bag shut by retiring Hanley Ramriez and Dan Uggla - both of whom are far more accomplished than WGHIW.

Bottom 1st: 0-0
The trio of Shane Victorino, Placido Polanco and Chase Utley allows Marlins starter Chris Volstad out of the inning on just 8 pitches.
Brilliant.

Top 2nd: 0-0
Charlie Manuel has struggled to cure Phillie batting slumps this year, but he seems to have fixed Marlins slugger Mike Stanton.  The rookie with the .246 batting average sends a double over Victorino's head in center.
Now if he can only get opposing pitchers to lob 90-mph Napalm to Jimmy Rollins and Raul Ibaez

After an 11-pitch at-bat that lasts longer than my wife's C-section, Cameron Maybin sends a lazer beam off Blanton's glove for a 1-3 grounder to first.  Blanton then walks Brad Davis to get to Volstad, who grounds out to end the inning.

Bottom 2nd 0-0:
Using a short swing against a looping curve ball, Ryan Howard continues his dominance of Volstad by lining a leadoff double to left-center.
Rollins follows by trying to bunt the first pitch he sees.  The Naked Emperor takes umbrage.

Chris Wheeler: "Rollins bunted on his own.  He's in the five-hole but he's still thinking like a leadoff guy."
Don Pigeon: "Right, Chris.  Phillie fans see more solar eclipses than Jimmy Rollins bunt attempts."

Chris Volstad must not have liked the bunt attempt either. The righthander lobs a slow change-up to Rollins as if to say; Bunt This!
Even more amazing than the bunt attempt, Rollins takes a nice level swing and sends the cripple to the right-field corner to score Howard easily from 2nd.

Top 3rd: PHI 1 - FLA 0
Bonofocio tries to bunt for the 2nd time, and this time succeeds by sending the ball toward Rollins at short.
Perhaps the Phils might want to call a high-inside fastball the next time Bonofacio bats?

Blanton appears to retire the Worlds's Greatest Hitter in the World, but Ryan Howard has a panic attack when he realizes that he needs to throw to second base.  His double-clutch and last-second throw nearly kills Joe Blanton covering first, as he is unable to maintain the ball while keeping his foot on the bag.  Infield single for Morrison.

GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
Philadelphia Region's Scariest Haunted Attractions - as ranked by Ryan Howard.
3. - Bates Motel, Lima, PA
2 - Terror Behind the Walls, Philadelphia, PA
1 - Jimmy Rollins waitng for a force throw at second base.
The big piece says: BOO!

The free-swinging Marlins continue their small-ball assault with a pair of sacrifice grounders and an RBI single by Gaby Sanchez.

Top 4th: FLA 2 - PHI 1
Blanton lobs a beer-league curve ball to Cameron Maybin, who swings from his heels and blasts a drive off the CF fence.  Catcher Brad Davis plates Maybin with a sacrifice grounder to third.

Bottom 4th: FLA 3 - PHI 1
Raul Ibanez keeps his hands back on a 3-1 outer-half fastball and homers to left-center. 

Gary Matthews notes that Ibanez settles into hitting streaks when he stops trying to pull everything.
From your lips to God's ears, my man!  That's been the 2010 hitting problem for the entire team!

Bottom 5th: FLA 3 - PHI 2
With the Braves locked in a scoreless 6th inning tie with Pittsburgh, the Phils start dreaming of a chance to reclaim first place.

Shane Victorino brings that dream closer to reality when he drops the barrell on an inside change-up from Volstad for a solo HR.
Placido Polanco nearly gives the Phils the lead with a fly bal that Mike Stanton tries to misplay in front of the RF Fence.
Two batters later, Ryan Howard does the honors with an opposite-field blast.

Much to the chagrin of Frontrunners across the region who love to boo Jimmy Rollins, the mercurial shortstop keeps his bat level and lines a tough inside fastball to right field.
Rollins ignites the crowd first by stealing second, then by scoring on an banez single.

Top 7th: PHI 5 - FLA 3
After huffing and puffing his way though 6.1 innings, Joe Blanton is pulled from the game in favor of Antonio Bastardo following a one-out walk to Bonofacio.
But Bastardo is no match for the World's Greatest Hitter in the World, who launches a double just beyond Victorino's reach. 

Bottom 7th:  PHI 5 - FLA 4
The Marlin bullpen that blew a 6-1 lead in Atlanta last Sunday to keep the Braves in first place now has an opportunity to bring some love the Citizens Bank Park.
Jorge Sosa is happy to oblige as he leaves a slider over the plate for a Placido Polanco leadoff single, then sends another through the legs of catcher Brad Davis to move Polly to second.
Following an Utley groundout, Jimmy Rollins finally hits a warning track fly ball when there's a runner on third base!
Raul Ibanez then continues his resurgence by slamming a triple to the gap in right center to score Howard.

Top 8th: PHI 7 - FLA 4.
About six weeks ago, when Brad Lidge was blowing saves in Washington, pundits began asking who should be closing for the Phils.
At the time, I would say Joes Contreras because he was more unflappable than the supremely talented but fear-striken Ryan Madson.
Nights like this make me glad that Lidge has regained his form.
Contreras sends Mike Stanton some 92-mph Nitro Love that soars into the left-field seats.

Following a Brad Davis double, Jayson Werth's chronic brain lock resurfacees when Bonofacio grounds a single his way.  Werth decides to make a fancy running lob to Polanco, who stops expecitng a throw when the slow footed Davis approaches third base. Bonofacio scores on the error.
An obscure replay shows Houston righthander Brett Myers sticking his tounge out at Werth on Phanavision just before he picked up the Bonofacio single.

And to think I was relieved that Domonic Brown's Little League caliber defense woudn't cost the Phils a win tonight!


JC Romero enters the game and promply balks the runners up a base, then walks Mighty Casey - err, Morrison.

I guess that GNC supplement cost Mr. Romero a few brain cells after all!

Ryan Madson eventually cleams up the mess, but not before sendjng a two-strike changeup off the kneecap of Carlos Ruiz to score Bonofacio with the tying run,

Bottom 8th: 7-7
On a night of Marlin small-ball and Phillie home runs, the home team turns the tables when it matters most.
After Shane Victorino lobs a single over the Marlin infield and steals 2nd base, Polanco puts a perfect opposite field swing on an outside fastball put the Phils ahead 8-7.

With Brad Lidge unavailable due to the numerous nail-bitters over the past few week. Ryan Madson returns to the mound for the 9th inning, and gets the final three outs with a minimum of drama.

In the words of our beloved Phils skipper; "I think Ryan done just growed up!"

Final score: Phillies 8 - Marlins 7
Final score from Pittsburgh: Pirates 5 - Braves 0.

The Phils are officially back in first place for the first time since May 30.

Hey Bobby Cox!
Yo Billy Redneck!

Objects in the rearview mirror are . . .
NOT THERE ANYMORE, SUCKER!!!

I am Don Pigeon and I am OUT!!!

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Going Pigeon: Marlins at Phillies (2) - 9/6/10: djpigeon@comcast.net

The Phils turn to Roy Oswalt to avoid a Labor Day sweep at the hand of the Florida Marlins.

Top 1st:
Oswalt works around a Logan Morrison single to keep Florida scoreless after the 1st.  The Phils will have the rare pleasure of batting without trailing a game.

Bottom 1st: 0-0
Although the lack of thought at home plate has been the Phils biggest enemy the past two games, Manuel tries to tune up his offense by changing the order (Victorino 1st - Rollins 5th) and playing Domonic Brown instead of Jayson Werth.

So far, the result looks the same as Ananbel Sanchez works around an Utley HBP to keep the Phils scoreless.

Top 2nd: 0-0
Oswalt is cruisng so far, retiring Chad Tracy and Wes Helms to start the inning. 
But despite Mike Stanton bringing a 5-for-60 horse collar to the plate with two outs, Oswalt pitches to him like he's Alex Rodriguez, falling behind him 3-0.
After battling back to 3-2, Oswalt makes Stanton look like A-Rod by hanging an 83-mph change-up in his wheelhouse.  The ball reaches the 2nd deck in left-center at an estimated 440-feet.

Bottom 2nd: FLA 1 - PHI 0
Strange how Jimmy Rollins uppercuts like a madman from the leadoff spot, but when he bats fifth he shortends his swing and lines a single.
Raul Ibanez gets jammed on a Sanchez fastball with a 2-2 count, but for once swinging too hard pays off as he muscles the ball over second for a single.
Domonic Brown walks for just his second time as a Phillie to load the bases.
Carlos Ruiz walks to force in the tying run.
After Roy Oswalt flies out, Shane Victorino sends a flare to right field.  Rollins scores easily, but third base coach Sam Ferlazzo channels his predecessor Steve Smith and sends Brown home to get thrown out by 10 feet.
With two outs Placido Polanco yanks a grounder over the third base bag.  Ruiz scores from third and Victorino scores from second.  The play becomes a ground-rule double when a middle-aged tool with a glove tries the field the ball while in play.

GOING PIGEON  PRESENTS: LAW AND ORDER
You need a license to:
Drive a car
Sell a beer
Catch a Fish

You don't need a license to:
Join the military
Have a kid
Sit front row at a Phillies game

Utley lines a single past short to score Polanco and complete the five-run inning.

Top 3rd: PHI 5 - FLA 1
With their best inning of the homestand in the books, the Phils can just sit and watch co-ace Roy Oswalt pound the Marlins into submission before heading to Columbus Ave to celebrate.

But after getting two quick outs, Oswalt faces the World's Greatest Hitter in the World, Logan Morrison.  The WGHIW fouls off a pair of 3-2 pitches before drawing a walk. 

Oswalt quickly pays for the miscue when Hanley Ramirez sends a batting-machine fastball into the flower bed in left field for a two-run homer.

Top 5th: PHI 5 - FLA 3
With two outs, Roy Oswalt starts dreaming about Columbus Ave again and delivers another batting-machine fastball - this time to Cameron Maybin.
With a .234 batting average and 7 home runs, Maybin is no Hamley Ramirez.  But Napalm doesn't read fantasy baseball profiles, it just explodes when collides with Maple bats.

Bottom 5th: PHI 5 - FLA 4
After a weekend of hideous at-bats, Placido Polanco remembers that he's a perennial .300 hitter and rockets a ball off the center-field fence and past the wandering Maybin for a triple.
Chase Utley continues the steady process of salvaging his 2010 season by smoking a single past second to score Polanco.

Gary Matthews: "The harder you hit the ball, the more likely that a pitcher will make mistakes."
Don Pigeon: "The more mistakes a pitcher makes to major league hitters, the more times a ball will be hit hard."

Jorge Sosa comes in for Anibal Sanchez, and Jimmy Rollins predictably pops up his first pitch.
I'll drop it there, since the Frontrunner police have been known to patrol my neighborhood.

Raul Ibanez dials down his swing-for-Camden approach and crushes a Sosa fastball off the centerfield wall to score Utley.

The wild slugfest turns routine from this point.  Oswalt finishes the 7th inning without throwing any more Napalm fastballs.  Ryan Madson keeps his composure despite entering the game with no outs and a runner on in the 8th.  Brad Lidge faces four batters and allows just a single to Emilio Bonafacio with two outs.

Final Score: Phillies 7 - Marlins 4

I'm Don Pigeon and I'm OUT!!!

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