This is a special edition of GOING PIGEON
Back when I planned my vacation week, I bought tickets for today's game online. So I attended this game along with my daughter Jennifer and my son A.J.
Both of my kids love the Phillies, but neither has my sense of indignant passion for the Fightins. So my original plan to chante BARRY . . . BARRY . . . BARRY . . . for three hours has been trashed.
There will be a mixture of live texts with the Bus Lady and the usual inane comments by Chris Wheeler and company - because at the Cave of Insanity we're all abot PREPARATION.
Top 1st: 0-0
Wheeler: "Kyle Kendrick wasn't good in has last game."
Pigeon: "But the umpires are good in EVERY GAME!"
With one out, Kendrick starts Anderson Hernandez with a perfect fastball at the knees for ball one. Hernandez grounds a single on the 3-1 pitch.
Kendrick then hangs a 90-mph sinker to Carlos Lee, who sends a screaming liner into the LF corner. Raul Ibanez runs half-marathon to reach the ball, then sends a t-ball throw to Jimmy Rollins, who has no chance to nail Hernandez at home.
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: OUTFIELD DEFENSE
Fact 1: Carlos Lee is a DEAD PULL HITTER
Fact 2: Kyle Kendrick's top velocity is 90-mph.
Why is Raul Ibanez shading Lee toward center field???
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: THE POWER OF LOVE
Throughout today's blog I'll be mixing actual text messages that I exchanged with Andrea, my wife of 23 years! Her handle is Bus Lady. Mine is DJP. The time of day is in parenthesis.
Bus Lady: We should of known if Halladay couldn’t do it u really think Kenderick (sp) can? (1:26)
DJP: Ibanez played too far away from from foul line. Then he made a lousy throw. They should not have scored. (1:29)
Bus Lady: That's our Phillies (1:30)
Bottom 1st: HOU 1 - PHI 0
Jimmy Rollins leads off with a hard grounder to third. Astros third baseman makes a great diving stop and throws Rollins out by a hair at first.
Since Scott Barry is stationed at first bast today, Chris Wheeler is obligated to sniff his jock.
Wheeler: "The fans are going because of what has gone on this week. But (Barry) got it right!"
Pigeon: "The next time I get an Excel Spreadsheet right at my accounting job, will you play it in slow motion and announce it to 1,000,000 Comcast viewers?"
Top 2nd: HOU 1 - PHI 0
After Angel Sanchez lines an 0-2 single with one out, Jason Castro takes an outside corner pitch for an opposite field single. Wandy Rodriguez then drops a perfect sacrifice bunt on the FIRST TRY!
Michael Bourn turns on an 87-mph fastball for an RBI single.
Bus Lady: It seems as though they were not yelled at enough. It’s like watching a team doen’t jnow what to do. (1:37)
Bus Lady: I think they should put in the relief team, they did better than the real team. (1:38)
Bottom 2nd: HOU 2 - PHI 0
Ryan Howard leads off and works a 3-0 count. But he jams himself on an 87-mph hanger that should have gone to the upper deck in right - and pops out to short.
Raul Ibanez draws a 2-out walk, though his check swing got more of the plate that one that got Ryan Howard ejected on Tuesday. Just saying.
Victorino ends the inning by trying to pull a 74-mph curve and grounding weakly to short.
Top 3rd: HOU 2 - PHI 0
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: WHY YOU NEED A STRIKEOUT PITCH
With one out, Kendrick gets Carlos Lee into a 3-2 count. Here are the next four pitches.
81-mph change-up. Foul
90-mph fastball. Foul
90-mph fastball. Foul
90-mph fastball. Home run to left.
Top 4th: HOU 3 - PHI 0
Sanchez hit a line drive toward Raul Ibanez. The ball has some top-spin, so for a MAJOR LEAGUE OUTFIELDER, it's moderately difficult.
As Ibanez reaches the ball, he slips into WEB-GEM mode and does a gorgeous slide as he stabs at the ball. Less gorgeous, unfortunately, is the ball clipping the web of Ibanez's glove and rolling toward the fence for a double.
I'm thinking things can't get worse than this. Naturally, I'm proven wrong as Wandy Rodriguez slams a piece of E.L. Fudge off the base of the RF wall to score Sanchez.
Raul Ibanez has now cost the Phillies two runs with subpar defensive play.
DJP: Ibanez should have caught the ball, he did not have to slide. Kendrick should be sent to the minors for allowing that hit to the pitcher. Im behaving, barely! (2:20)
Bus Lady: The only way this team will try is if all the fans walked out (2:28)
Bottom 4th: HOU 4 - PHI 0
Utley - Chases 76-mph curve in dirt - 3-unassisted
Polanco - Tries to pull 89-mph outside fastball - 6-3 groundout
Howard: Tries to kill gnats and forgets that the ball is passing the batters box. Strikeout.
DJP: Im trying to remember what sin Ive done to deserve seeing the Phils get no hit by this schmuck! (2:32)
Bottom 5th: HOU 4 - PHI 0
The Phillies realize they are being no-hit by mediocre junkballer, and they actuall MAKE ADJUSTMENTS!!
Werth: tracks a curveball nicely for a line single.
Ibanez: quick, compact swing produces 2B to RF corner. Despite being in full spear-hunting stride, the Geico Caveman Doppelganger is held at third base.
Tom McCarthy: "The Astros are giving the Phillie a run here (by playing infield back)."
But as quickly as the Phils begin thinking at home plate - they stop.
Victorino: chases fastball at his SHOULDERS for strike three.
Schneider: lunges at curveball in the dirt with less than two strikes - a Scott Barry HE WENT AROUND moment would have been better than the 250-foot fly ball he lifts to right field.
Pence catches the ball on a dead run for out number two. Inexplicably - with a pinch-hitter locked and loaded in the on-deck circle - Sam Ferlazzo sends Werth to be sacrificed at home plate like a lamb at passover.
DJP: They had no hits. They took shorter swings to get singles. They got a single and double. They went back to HR swings. End of rally. (2:46)
This blows my mind in person, but on DVR I hear Gary Matthews make an observation I missed:
Matthews: "Jason Werth had a chance to knock Jason Castro down right there."
Even if Castro holds the ball for the out, Werth is OBLIGATED to make someone in an Astro uniform PAY SOME KIND OF PRICE for paryting in OUR HOUSE for the past four days!!!
Bottom 6th: HOU 4 - PHI 0
Ben Francisco leads off by beating an infield single.
In person, I thought he bunted. DUH! A Phillie bunt for a base-hit? I should be drug-tested!
After a fielder's choice by Rollins, Chase Utley reminds Phillies fans of the good-old days by lining a Rodriguez pitch into the RF corner.
Unlike Werth, Rollins is allowed to come home to score the first Phillies run.
DJP: Welcome back Chase! Weve missed you! (2:55)
But my joy is short-lived as Polanco works at 2-0 count only to jam himself on an 85-mph hanger (foul), and swing late on an 89-mph fastball (miss) and another 85-mph hanger (beat into ground for 5-3).
Ryan Howard should just bring a fly-swatter to home plate. Swings and misses at two curves in the dirt.
Top 7th: HOU 4 - PHI 1
Michael Bourn barely nicks a JC Romero pitch and sends a 'swinging bunt' between the mound and first. Romero lunges for the ball and loses a shoe while Romero streaks through first for a single.
AJ sees me seething in my seat.
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: GENERATION GAP
AJ: Seriously, Dad, you're going to make fun of the guy because his shoe fell off?
Me: Seriously, Son, you expect me to NOT MAKE FUN OF HIM?
Bourn provides a fitting conclusion to Houston's embarassment and torture of the Phillies and their fans, by rounding 3rd base on a routine grounder to Polanco and racing home for the fifth Astro run.
DJP: I used to be afraid I’d go to hell. I’m not anymore. I’ve been there for 2 hours (3:19)
Bus Lady: Ur right u r in hell because hell is paradise compared to what ur going thru now (3:22)
DJP: An airplane just flew over me. For a brief second I hoped it would fall on me. (3:38)
DJP: I hope the Braves win 10 f-n games in a row! F- this team! (4:09)
Final score: Astros 5 - Phils 1
I am Don Pigeon and I am OUT (with a broken spirit)!
No comments:
Post a Comment