Top 1st 0-0:
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: MISTIMED QUOTES
H.M.S Titanic Deck Hand – 4/10/1912: “God himself cannot sink this ship”
Cole Hamels-10/31/2009: “I can’t wait for it to end.”
Jonathan Sanchez – 8/9/2010: “We are going to play San Diego and we are going to beat them three times.”
Two of those men seek redemption as the Phils complete a three-game series against visiting San Francisco.
Hamels goes first and strikes out Aaron Rowand, who gets a pity start in place of budding star Andres Torres. He actually strikes him out twice, once on a 2-2 fastball that Larry Vanover missed and again on 3-2 changeup that Rowand misses for the official strikeout
Bad sign #1: Rowand made Hamels throw 7 pitches
Bad sign #2: Since Rowand swung at 3 pitches, Vanover missed 25% of the pitches he had to call.
Bad sign #3: Chris ‘The Naked Emperor’ Wheeler said last night that Vanover is a good umpire (“he’s a good guy; he’s been around a long time”)
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: BREAKING NEWS
CHRIS WHEELER GOES GANGSTER
After Freddy Sanchez reaches on a hard-luck broken bat single, the Emperor starts gushing about Hamels willingness to throw high fastballs.
Actual Wheeler quote: “He’s down with that!”
During a shot of the broadcast booth, I spotted a dark shirt underneath Wheeler's Comcast issue golf shirt"
"I've noticed you're gangster - I'm pretty gangster myself.
Buster Posey gives the Giants a 1-0 lead with a double to left-center.
GOING PIGEON BESTOWS RESPECT:
As much as it pains me, I cannot rip on Buster Posey’s name anymore.
The guy looks too young to work at Wawa, but he’s a BEAST. The guy just reached down and one-handed a filthy Hamels changeup into the power alley.
Sometimes, you . . . just . . . gets . . . beat.
After getting beaten by Posey, Hamels gives Pat Burrell the Babe Ruth treatment, falling behind 3-0 before walking him on a changeup in the dirt.
Wheeler: “(Jose Guillen) likes to swing early in the count.”
Hamels’ first pitch to Guillen is a flat fastball that gets blasted into the left-center field gap to score Posey.
This makes the Emperor look like a GENIUS
Somewhere in Metropolis, Bizarro Superman kills a kitten.
Juan Uribe ends the Giant scoring with a cue shot single off the end of the bat, scoring Burrell to make the score 3-0.
My brother lucked into free tickets for tonight’s game. Kind of like lucking into tickets aboard the H.M.S. Titanic*
*I’ll bet you thought there was no way I could tie that first quote into anything. Underestimate me at your own risk! - DJP
Bottom 1st: SF 3 – PHI 0.
Playing against type, Rollins takes five straight pitches to go down looking.
Rollins look like a McDonald’s customer who heard the chain is now charging for extra servings of Sweet & Sour sauce.
I would love to eviscerate Vanover for a bad call, but there were two strikes and the pitch moved left-to-right across the plate at the knees.
Little leaguers know you have to swing there.
The next sequence is a Pinky and the Brain short gone terribly wrong
Shane Victorino - normally the impulsive and jovial one (Pinky) has a perfect at-bat against Sanchez, fouling off four pitches en route to a 10-pitch walk.
Placido Polanco – an actual Brain Doppelganger - then commits an act of game-changing stupidity by chasing a first pitch outside fastball and lifting a harmless fly to center for out number two.
Chase Utley then follows in Polanco’s impatient footsteps by grounding a 0-1 pitch to 2nd base for the final out.
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: RUMINATIONS
Jonathan Sanchez entered tonight’s game as the NL leader in walks issued (71)
Placido Polanco entered tonight’s game as the NL batting runner-up with a .321 average.
Sanchez just WALKED Shane Victorino on 10 pitches
IN WHAT UNIVERSE is it smart baseball for Polanco – who is a very smart hitter – to swing at the first pitch???
In the (edited) words of 20th century philosopher Clark W. Griswold: “Merry Christmas! – Holy CRAP! – Where’s the TYLENOL?!!!
Bottom 2nd: SF 3 – PHI 0
With Raul Ibanez standing on first following a fielder’s choice, Ruiz comes to the plate.
The beast inexplicably chases an 81-mph worm-burner from Sanchez to end the inning.
If the Phillie hitters don't wise up sooner, rather than later, this game is headed for the Island of Lost Winning Streaks.
Top 3rd: SF 3 - PHI 0
Freddy Sanchez continues his quest to regain his former batting champion status.
Hamels decides to help him with a 91-mph fastball down the middle, that Sanchez yanks to left for his second hit of the night.
Buster Posey then send a semi-tricky liner toward Victorino.
I wouldn't have caught it
Domonic Brown wouldn't have caught it.
But it should have been routine for a DEFENDING GOLD GLOVE CENTERFIELDER
Instead, Victorino plays the ball off his foot to give Posey an RBI double.
In the dugout, Brown thinks to himself: "I could have done that!"
And to think Hamels was considered unlucky when the were only making offensive mistakes in his starts.
Sheez
Botton 3rd: SF 4 - PHI 0
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: PINKY AND THE BRAIN BONUS CLIP
Pinky (Victorino) drops the bat-head on a hard sinker to give the Phils their first hit.
In this episode, the duo tries to take over the world by creating genetically-altered Dragonflies that will obey the commands of their genetically-altered mouse masters.
One of the Dragonfilies pays Pinky a visit as he stands at first base - landing just above the 'P' on his pinstriped sweater.
Pinky: BRAAAIIIN! "I don't think the Dragonflies are obeying our commands! I thought they were supposed to chase the sexy girls out of Ashburn Alley and into our lab!"
Brain: "We must return to the lab immediately!"
Polanco ends the inning by jamming himself on a 88-mph E.L. Fudge cookie and fouling out to end the inning.
Top 4th: SF 4 - PHI 0
Indignant over the lack of effort displayed by his teammates against a VERY BEATABLE Jonathan Sanchez, Hamels goes passive-agressive and lays a 90-mph fastball in the wheelhouse of Pablo Sandoval.
Home run to left. Giants now lead 5-0.
Bottom 4th: SF 5- PHI 0
After Chase Utley is hit by a pitch, Jayson Werth crushes a hanging chageup toward the Phillies bullpen - only to see Aaron Roward make the kind of Gold Glove catch that Victorino failed to make in the 3rd inning.
From that moment on, the Phillie hitters completely give up on Sanchez.
Bottom 6th:
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: PINKY AND THE BRAIN BONUS CLIP # 2
Pinky: BRAAIN! The sexy girls all are standing in the left field concourse looking at the cute fellow wearing the shirt with number 9!
(Victorino pops out to short)
Brain: We must go there IMMEDIATELY and investigate what it is about the number 9 fellow that is thwarting our plan!
(Polanco pops out to second)
Back at the Cave of Insanity, the thirty-minute warning has sounded.
The Phillie offense makes a cameo appearance in the bottom of the ninth, but can only manage 2 runs.
Final score: Giants 5 - Philllies 2.
I am Don Pigeon and I am OUT!!!
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