Since this is an afternoon game instead of the 10 PM game I expected, I've decided to put together a short blog today.
Top 2nd: 0-0
Ryan Howard checks his swing on a 2-1 curve ball. Fox commentators Josh Lewin and Eric Karros note that Scott 'Hannibal Lecter' Barry would have called a swinging strike.
Karros looks like a goofball, but I like what I hear of his commentary in the early going.
Bottom 3rd: 0-0
After Brian Schiender walks, Joe Blanton does the unthinkable and lays a successful sacrifice bunt on Garland's first pitch!
At the same moment, a Metropolis scientist perfects the cure to cancer, only to have Bizzaro Superman snap his neck before he can document his findings.
Blanton's effort goes to waste as 2nd baseman David Eckstein employs the Biff Tannen defense to intercept a bullet off the bat of Jimmy Rollins
GOING PIGEON BASEBALL GLOSSARY (reprinted from GP - 8/13/10)
BIFF TANNEN DEFENSE – Defensive strategy where infielders use time travel to watch opponents offensive highlights – a la Biff Tannen in Back to the Future II - then return to the present so they can catch line drives. Invented by Eric Bruntlett on 8/23/09 during a Phillies-Mets game, the strategy resulted in a game-ending triple play off the bat of Jeff Francoeur.
Top 5th: 0-0
With Jayson Werth (HBP) on 2nd, Shane Victorino shortens his swing on a Garland curve-ball (rarely seen from Phillie hitters not named Chase Utley) and lines an RBI single to center.
Bottom 5th: PHI 1 - SD 0
With runners at second and third with two outs, the battery of Brian Schneider and Joe Blanton put their brains into 'Sleep Mode' and start Padre pitcher Jon Garland - and his lifetime .133 batting average - with an 83-mph letter high change-up.
Blanton certainly missed his spot, but why does he need to fool the opposing pitcher? Whoever decided on throwing that pitch should be forced to room with Scott Barry for 30 days.
Shane Victorino bails Blanton from further damage by gunning down Nick Hundley at home following an Eckstein single.
Bottom 6th: 1-1
Miguel Tejada looks at a third strike, and home plate umpire Laz Diaz* stares down the shortstop as he returns to the San Diego dugout.
Laz - as in Lazlo - as in Lazlo Hoyfeld from the Val Kilmer 80's comedy Real Genius?
Being accustomed to Chris Wheeler's jock sniffing of umpires on local Phillies telecasts, I find it refreshing to hear Eric Karros - bad hair and all - call out Diaz for his childish attempt to bait Tejada.
Top 7th: 1-1
With Jayson Werth on 1st with one out, Shane Victorino launches an RBI triple to the gap in left center.
The Padres decide to employ the Houston Astro Defense (just wait for a Phillie runner to go brain-dead away from the base bag) and throw two pitchouts as Carlos Ruiz pinch-hits for Schneider.
Mike Sweeney grounds into a potential double-play, but Carlos the Beast Ruiz burys Eckstein with a take-out slide that allows Victorino to score.
Bottom 7th: PHI 3 - SD 1
The FOX WIRED FOR SOUND feature shows Laz Diaz sniffing Will Venable's jock. On Friday, Venable robbed Jayson Werth of a home run by leaping to snag a line drive aimed for the seats.
Diaz: "Dude, you made that fence out there looks short! You got some serious hops!"
Oh yeah: That's how I want to hear my impartial umpire talk as an opponent bats during a crucial August game!
Behind Blanton (tremendous save for one Brain Shart), Jose Contraras, Ryan Madson (who didn't take any pitches off today!) and Brad Lidge, the Phils stifle the Padres by a final of 3-1.
I'm Don Pigeon and I am OUT!!!
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