Top 1st: 0-0
Phillie fans should be excited about tonight’s game because Roy Halladay is on the mound and the Phils need a win following last night’s disaster against R.A. Dickey
I’m excited about this game, because I get to watch home plate umpire Tom Hallion make a mockery of the strike zone.
GOING PIGEON: DESIGNER BET OF THE NIGHT
Over/under on strike-zone errors: 12
Don’s advice – bet the over!
After Rollins and Polanco are retired on a combined four pitches, the Naked Emperor* explains that the Phils should adjust their normally aggressive (swing early) approach and take pitches against Mets minor-league call up Pat Misch.
*Phillies color analyst Chris Wheeler
Um . . . I’m just a dumb accountant from Downingtown, but hasn’t the offensive success of the Phillies from 2007-2009 been fueled by patient hitters running high pitch counts and exhausting pitchers into mistakes that become 3-run homers?
Ibanez grounds sharply to second to end the inning.
0 runs, 0 hits, 0 errors, 0 strike-zone errors
Bottom 1st: 0-0
Reyes leads off with a sharp grounder to Mike Sweeney. The career American League makes a perfect toss to a sprinting Halladay to retire the diving Reyes at 1st *.
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: DEVIL’S ADVOCATE
Common sense - and the Naked Emperor - tells us that Reyes would have had a much better chance to beat that play if he simply kept his dreadlocks down and ran THROUGH the bag instead of doing the headfirst dive thing.
Of course, that wouldn’t have looked as cool on the back page of the NY Daily News!
The Naked Emperor’s in rare form tonight: making this next comment made after Angel Pagan slams his bat following a pop-up to Victorino.
“Guys are acting like they should never make an out against Halladay – slamming their bats and stuff”
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: DEVIL’S ADVOCATE (2)
Pagan slammed his bat because the pitch he popped up to Victorino was an 85-mph slider that hung belt-high down the middle of the plate.
Pagan should be pissed at himself. That pitch was an E.L. Fudge cookie with icing.
The Naked Emperor should be glad I’m watching this on DVR (real time 1 AM) - because it saves me the temptation to drive to Flushing to strangle him – here’s another dumb comment by Wheeler.
“One of the things that’s helped (Halladay’s strikeout total) is that he’s facing a pitcher in (the NL) instead of a DH”
Yeah, Chris, but you’re missing the point!
In the games I’ve seen Halladay pitch for the Phillies, patient hitters and ‘strikeout situations’ (runners in scoring position with less than two outs) are the REAL REASON that Halladay is striking out more hitters this year.
0 runs, 0 hits, 0 errors, 0 strike-zone errors.
Total strike zone errors: 0
Come on Hallion; don’t make a liar out of me tonight!
Top 2nd: 0-0
Two down and Hallion hasn’t missed the strike zone yet. I’m getting that tingly feeling I had the night that Halladay threw the perfect game against the Marlins.
First pitch to Victorino: Slider down the middle at the knees for ball one*
SZE (Strike Zone Error) 1
Hallion’s incompetence even pisses me off when the Phillies benefit from it
Victorino grounds to third to end the inning
Bottom 2nd: 0-0
The ever-changing Hallion strike-zone hasn’t been a factor for Halladay, since the Mets have been swinging early and often.
The 0-1 pitch to Ike Davis is a piece of art, knee high on outside corner.
Ball one (SZE 2)
With the count 3-2, Halladay sends 92-mph heat over the outside corner for called strike three.
Hallion does a pirouette with an uppercut while screaming to complete the call. Looks like a reject from a Tae Kwon Do class for fat guys
Yeah Tom, you rang up a Met batter, but you’re an TOOL!!
The last thing Tom Hallion should be doing is calling attention to his ability to call balls and strikes . . . because he SUCKS at it!
Top 3rd: 0-0
Halladay becomes the first Phillie to solve Misch with a one-out single up the middle.
Misch starts Rollins with a fastball high and outside for strike one (SZE 3)
Rollins says “screw this” and smacks a grounder past the diving David Wright at 3rd.
At 7:39 PM, Placido Polanco lines a double into the gap to score Roy Halladay from second base. With that run, the Phillies end a 38 2/3 inning scoreless streak at Citi Field
Going Pigeon’s HS Memories:
We have a problem here. Coming into tonight, the Phillies and I had a very special thing in common.
The Phillies played 36 innings of baseball without scoring at Citi Field this season.
I attended Norristown Area High School for 36 months (1979-1983) without scoring either.
Now that the Phillies broke the tie, I need to re-enroll at NAHS and complete three celibate months so that I can reclaim my rightful record.
44-yrs-old . . . 5’6” . . . a soft-bellied 175 lbs . . . salt & pepper hair . . .
I CAN DO THIS!!!!!
Bottom 4th: PHI 1 – Mets 0
Reyes leads off by slamming a towering fly to right. Citi Field holds the ball, barely, but Reyes easily sprints to third.
With his dreadlocks flying behind him, Reyes reminded me of the Haitian vampire Laurent in New Moon running from Jacob and the other werewolves through the meadow outside of Forks. WA.
I have a 19-year-old daughter who’s read all four Twilight books! DON’T JUDGE ME!!!
Halladay induces Pagan to ground to Polanco, who is drawn in at third. One out – runner holds.
Wright tries to knock Halladay’s first pitch into that spaceship display at the abandoned World’s Fair Grounds. He misses for strike one.
With the count 1-2, Wright - who is not a pitcher* - dives after a 78-mph curveball for out number two.
With two outs and the count 2-2 Angel Pagan – also NOT A PITCHER* - emulates Wright by diving after another 78-mph curveball to end the inning with no runs scored.
*Just recalling my first inning rant about the Naked Emperor
GOING PIGEON – HOUSEHOLD PET CRISIS
One of our pet cats – Maddie – is keeping me company in the Cave of Insanity. She is 18 inches from my laptop and making the sounds that precede a projectile hairball.
Maddie (mixed breed – Age 6) is already on my homicidal fantasy list* because she protested a recent change in cat food (to help her manage her weight) by urinating on a mesh bag of laundry that was 18 inches from her litter pan.
Note to self: inquire to Little Pigeon about Zelda’s (GP: 8/12/10) projected adult size and digestive capacity.
A man can dream . . . can’t he??
*With a name like Donald Pigeon and virtually no athletic ability to speak of – you can imagine that I’ve developed a lengthy list of fantasy homicide victims from 1972 to present.
Maddie joins Joe West, Ronald Belasario, that wrestling referee who didn’t give my son a penalty point when a an opponent slammed him hard enough to induce a concussion at the 2004 Marple Newtown tournament , and every kid at Marshall Street Elementary School who ever picked me last in gym class
You know where you are, and thanks to the Internet, so do I! Sleep well!
Top 5th: PHI 1 – Mets 0
With one out, Rollins imitates a natural leadoff hitter and takes four pitches out of the strike zone. The fourth pitch – low and outside – is called a strike by Hallion for SZE number 4.
My over-under is in jeopardy because Halladay is inducing many fouls and swinging strikes. But over the past decade I’ve learned to never underestimate Hallion’s pitch-calling incompetence. It ain’t over till the fat lady sings!
Polonco pulls a hanging inside slider to left for a single, moving Rollins to second.
Raul Ibanez takes a perfect curveball over the inner-half at the knees for . . . ball one.
SZE number 5
Actual Tom McCarthy call of the pitch: “(Ibanez) takes a breaking ball for . . . ball one.
This was priceless! Every fiber of McCarthy’s being wanted to say A STRIKE, but the veteran play-by-play man changes mid-thought as Hallion inexplicably leave his hands at his side.
If McCarthy had been in an MRI at that moment, the exploding synapses would have looked like the July 4th fireworks on the Delaware River!
Ibanez grounds the 1-1 pitch softly to second, where Ruben Tejada clusters an inning-ending double-play by tossing a knuckleball into left field past a diving Reyes at second.
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: SIGNS THAT SUMMER IS ENDING
1 – The days are getting shorter
2 – The days are getting cooler
3- The New York Mets morph into the Bad News Bears
Bottom 5th: PHI 2 – METS 0
With one out, Fernando Martinez takes a Halladay fastball high and outside for strike one
SZE number 6
Halfway home, Tommy Babyyyy!
After absorbing a glaring look from Martinez, Hallion keeps his hands at his side as Halladay drops a perfect curveball over the outside corner
SZE number 7!
This is what Little Pigeon must feel like when he gets a DOUBLE KILL on Call of Duty Modern Warfare!
Halladay then pours a sinking 92-mph fastball about 6 inches outside at the knees
CALLED STRIKE THREE!
SZE number 8!
TRIPLE KILL! 10, 000 HP BONUS!!!!
That’s the Tom Hallion I know and love to hate!!!
Top 6th: PHI 2 – METS 0
Ruiz comes to the plate following leadoff singles by Werth and Victorino
The 1-0 pitch is a breaking ball six inches off the plate outside for strike one.
SZE number 9
Ruiz grounds out, Valdez is intentionally walked and Halladay strikes out to bring Jimmy Rollins to the plate with 2 outs and the bases loaded.
First pitch – outside for strike one
SZE number 10!
And to think I was worried about this bet just six outs ago!
Rollins takes the second pitch high for strike two
SZE number 11!
ANOTHER DOUBLE KILL!!!
Rollins grounds a 2-2 fastball right at David Wright to end the inn . . .
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: MLB GOES BROADWAY!!!
Tom Hallion: “Any play you can screw, I can screw better! . . I can screw any play better than you!”
David Wright: “No you can’t!!
Hallion: “Yes, I can!
Wright: “No, you can’t”
Hallion: “Yes, I can!”
Wright: “No, you can’t”
Hallion:”Yes, I can-Yes, I can-Yes, I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!”*
*I have no idea if Hallion can sing in tune, but I’ve seen him call third strikes and I know he’s got the pipes!
Werth and Victorino score on the play to give the Phillies a 4-0 lead.
Top 7th: PHI 4 – METS 0
With one out, Mike Sweeney takes a fastball on the outside corner at the knees for ball one.
SZE number 12!
The next one Hallion misses wins me the money!
Hallion rings up Ike Davis - actually getting the call right – with his typical blowhard flair.
Wheeler response: “That’s just because it’s for your guy, but I love Tom Hallion’s (punch-out theatrics). You just don’t see much of that anymore!
Gee Chris, maybe that’s because some umpires today actually respect the players they’re officiating and the fans who pay to see THE PLAYERS . . . NOT THE SELF-IMPORTANT DOUCHE-BAGS WHOSE JOB IS TO FACILITATE THE PROPER PLAYING OF THE GAME!!!!!!!
One more insipid comment like that and Wheeler’s going to find himself on the HFL*
*Homicidal Fantasy List
Top 8th: PHI 4 – METS 0
Chris Wheeler: “Tom Hallion’s a good umpire . . . he’s been around a long time”
I’m going to ignore the fact that many incompetent officials - including several of our nation’s worst presidents – have managed to hold their jobs for many years.
LONGEVITY DOES NOT EQUAL COMPETANCE!!
The top 3 days of my baseball watching life
1- 10/20/08: Phillies win the 2008 World Series to bring first major sports title to city in 25 years.
2- 10/21/80 – Phillies win the first World Series in franchise history
3- 09/02/99 – Tom Hallion is among 22 umpires to lose his job after former Union chief Richie Phillips picked a fight he could not win against the ownership of MLB
All I have to say to my readers is this:
If you intend to ever meet Chris Wheeler, get something signed by Chris Wheeler, or tug on Chris Wheeler’s toupee, I would do it SOONER rather than LATER.
The rug-wearing retard has been placed on the HFL.
I don’t give a crap about the SZE bet – even with the number hanging at over/under of 12.
I don’t even give a crap the Ryan Madson tried his hardest to piss away this game because he has the intestinal fortitude of Piglet from the Hundred-Acre-Wood!
I’m done!!!!
I am Don Pigeon and I am OOOOUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
See Tom? I can shout like a tool as well!
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