GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: PRE-GAME RITUALS
The Cave of Insanity has obtained exclusive access to three key players preparing for tonight's game
Ryan Howard - Sits on a bench in the Phillies clubhouse. Since it's his first game back from the DL, he puts his ample nose against a 44 oz. Louisville Slugger and breathes in the sweet smell of polished maple.
Stephen Strasburg - Sits on a bench in the CBP visitors clubhouse. He puts his nose against a game ball and breathes in the sweet smell of stitched cowhide rubbed in mud from the Delware River Basin
Kyle Kendrick - Sits on a bench in the Phillies bullpen. He puts his nose against the nozzle of an Aresol can, pushes the button and breathes in the sweet smell of GOTHAM'S OWN FEAR TOXIN
Top 1st: 0-0
Ian Desmond is credited with an infield sigle when Jimmy Rollins can't gather a ball hit sharply to his left.
This was not an easy chance, but Jimmy Rollins is a 3-time reigning National League Gold Glove shortstop.
He should have made that play.
Adam Dunn walks and Ryan Zimmerman grounds out 4-3 to put runners at 2nd and 3rd with 2 outs.
With Washington's two most dangerous hitters behind him, Kendrick appears ready to escape the inning with a scoreless tie.
But just as Roger Bernadina steps to home plate, Scarecrow's wicked concoction takes effect, and the middling leftfielder morphs into . . . Dave Parker!
Gripped with terror, Kendrick walks Bernadina (Parker) on five pitches to load the bases.
Adam Kennedy follows Bernadina, and Kendrick shivers in terror as the light-hitting second baseman becomes . . . Joe DiMaggio!
Kendrick walks Kennedy (DiMaggio) on five pitches to force in the game's first run.
Phils pitcing coach Rich Dubee visits the mound.
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: WIRED FOR SOUND
Dubee: "Kyle, shall we buy you a dog? I've been watching this show 'Pit Boss' on Animal Planet and those Pit Bulls can make a man feel much braver and safer."
Kendrick: "N-No sir . . . those dogs turn on their owners someitmes . . . and they poop a lot and I'd have to pick up smelly poop and stuff . . ."
Dubee: "Well, then; how about a blue blanket like the one Linus is always carrying in those cartoons with the bald kid and the white dog that flies in WWI?"
Kendrick: "N-no sir . . . those blankets are itchy and they make me get a rash."
Dubee: "Alright. But can we at least get you a stuffed animal to squeeze when the scary hitters give you nightmares.
Kendrick: "Well . . . maybe a little stuffed Phanatic doll."
Nats catcher Pudge Rodriquez, an actual Hall of Fame candidate, bats next. Kendrick finally decides to throw a strike - a delicious E.L. Fudge cookie that Pudge lines to center to score two more runs.
Bottom 1st: WSH 3 - PHI 0
Facing Stephen Strasburg, the Nationals version of Luke Skywalker, the Phillies load their lineup with left-handed hitters, since lefties are hitting a respectable .260 against the phenom.
The first three batters take a smart approach against the flamethrower.
Rollins works a 2-2 count before looking at a pitch that home plate umpire Brian O'Nora thinks is strike 3.
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: BLAST FROM THE PAST
As a kid growing up in Norristown during the 1970's, I remember getting excited whenever ABC Wide World of Sports would air an Evel Kinevel motorcycle stunt.
My heart would race as the daredevil would gun his motorcycle across the LA Coliseum and soar over two-dozen school buses. To reach the target safely, Evil would have to soar OVER the buses and drop quickly enough to land on the ramp without flying past it.
That's how Stephen Strasburg's curve ball is working tonight. The pitch soars OVER - NOT THROUGH - the strike zone, then drops safely right where Pudge Rodriquez is holding his catcher's mitt.
Since Pudge's mitt never moves, Brian O'Nora thinks the pitch is a stirke. If O'Nora watches a replay of this game, he'll learn he is mistaken.
Top 2nd: 0-0
Kyle Kendrick manages to retire Strasburg to start the inning, but the toxin engages again as Nyger Morgan turns into Roberto Clemente!
Kendrick sends a cookie to the late Pirate Hall of Famer, and the ball rockets toward the right field wall. Domonic Brown turns left, then right, then left again before just missing on a leaping attempt at the RF wall.
Naturally, the Emperor fails to notice Brown's lapse on the admittedly difficult play.
Wheeler: "Brown leaps but you can see the ball is over his glove"
Pigeon: "No, Chris - height wasn't the issue. The ball was six inches to the LF side of Brown's glove. If Brown had read the ball correctly he could have lined it up and made a momentum-changing catch."
Comcast shouldn't let the Emperor dicuss replays he doesn't understand.
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: MR. BROWN MEETS MR. BROWN
Domonic Brown returns to the Phils dugout after the Nationals fail to score.
Suddenly, he looks up and sees a familiar face standing before him.
It's his face, slightly more filled and with more hardened features.
The man speaks:
Dom. I'm here from the year 2013 to tell you that I'm making catches like that every week now. I'm favored to win your first Gold Glove this season. Play outfield in the Arizona Summer League - maybe spend a vacation week at Garry Maddox's place, and you'll learn to fufill your destiny.
Live long and Prosper!
Bottom 2nd:
WSH 3 - PHI 0
Strasburg contiues to show his endless potential by fooling Shane Victorino with a 90-mph changeup along the outside corner.
The Emperor is impressed:
Wheeler: "(Strasburg) proved he can thow his curveball for strikes!"
Pigeon: "Not quite. He's proven he can get O'Nora to CALL his high curveball for strikes!"
Top 3rd:
WSH 3 - PHI 0
Using his change-up, Kendrick gets ahead 1-2 on Zimmerman, but decides to offer Zim some E.L. Fudge that gets blasted off the wall in left for a double.
Adam Kennedy bats with Zimmerman on second.
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: VEGENANCE OF THE GODS
Each of the previous National hits and runs was richly deserved by the Phils #5 starter, who sandwiched E.L. Fudge fastballs around a series of walks to pedestrian batters.
With the count 2-2 (including a pair of fouls to keep the at-bat alive), Kennedy lines a filthy Kendrick sinker into center field to score Zimmerman and make the score 4-0 Nats.
Kendrick deserved a double-play out of that pitch, but when you annoy the Gods of Baseball by huffing Fear Toxin before facing the Washington Nationals, this is the chance you take.
Strasburg helps himself by beating out a fielders choice 4-6-3 to make the score 5-0.
Bottom 3rd:
WSH 5 - PHI 0
This is a terrible inning for the Phils.
Down 5 runs, Brian Schneider swings at a 1-0 outside fastball - GROUNDOUT 6-3.
Kendrick at least makes Strasburg throw 3 pitches before the inevitable strikeout.
Down 5 runs - the Phils apparently need the reminder - Jimmy Rollins swings at an outside 96-mph laser beam - GROUNDOUT 1-3.
Bottom 4th:
WSH 5 - PHI 0
Polanco lets Strasburg supply the power on a 98-mph middle-in* fastball, sending the ball into the left-center field gap.
*Chris Wheeler's PayPal just dinged my debit card for 25 cents for using his favorite team.
Utley fights an outside change-up and sends a weak 4-3 grounder to move Polanco.
Howard: Swing, Jam, Repeat. 4-3 grounder scores Polanco.
If the Phils can wait Strasburg out, this game is still winnable.
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: KEEPING YOUR WORD
7/11/2010 - Citing an extreme workload while pitching for San Diego State University in 2009, Nationals manager Jim Riggleman announces that Stephen Strasburg will maintain his regular turn in the Nats rotation until a limit of 160-total innings (including innings pitched in the minor leagues) is reached - at which point Strasburg's rookie season will end.
Riggleman: "When the innings are done, they're done."
7/20/2010 - Citing inflamation in his right shoulder, Washington Nationals righthanded phenom Stephen Strasburg has been placed on the 15-day disabled list.
Riggleman: "If he's 90 percent healthy, we shut him down."
8/10/2010 - Nationals Vice President and General Mangaer Mike Rizzo announces that Stephen Strasburg is being reinstated from the 15-day disabled list.
The point of the GP segment is this:
If Strasburg was getting shut down after pitching 160 HEALTHY innings this season, how can you defend bringing him back after he suffers an injury at 120 innings???
Bottom 5th: WSH 5 - PHI 1
With two outs and a 1-1 count, Brown takes a change-up outside from Strasburg, who fails to conceal the fact he is in SERIOUS PAIN
Strasburg's night ends on his 56th pitch of the game.
For his sake - and the sake of any devoted fans the Nationals have - I hope Rizzo's careless decision hasn't caused a career-altering injury.
Bottom 6th
WSH 5 - PHI 1
Middling reliever Craig Stammen - Career ERA of 5.11 - replaces the supremely talented Stephen Strasburg in the sixth inning of a 5-1 game at Citizens Bank Park.
I feel a comeback about to happen!
The feeling grows stronger as Ben Francisco bats for Kyle Kendrick and sends an 89-mph cripple to the fence in left field.
Nobody out and Stammen has a runner on second and the gauntlet of Rollins-Polanco-Utley-Howard staring at him like missles on an Apache helicopter.
GOING PIGEON PRESENTS: THE PRICE OF CURIOSITY
After being told he is leaving the game for a pinch-hitter, Kyle Kendrick stormed toward the Phillies clubhouse and smashed an aresol can agains the dugout wall.
Rollins: "Hey Kyle! You nearly hit me with your body spray! Watch where you throw your Axe, man!"
Rollins picks up the can and decides to check out the source of Kendrick's compelling scent. He squeezes out a quick burst, breathes deeply and likes the scent.
Rollins: (to Polanco, Utley and Howard) "Check out this stuff Kendrick's using. I think he's got plans with the ladies!"
As Rollins walks to the on-deck circle, the Phils 2, 3 and 4 hitters take turns trying out Kendrick's cologne.
While walking to the bat rack, Howard reads the label on the can he is holding.
Howard: "What the heck is Gotham's Own Fear Toxin?"
And here is how the Phillies sixth inning dies:
Rollins (seeing Bruce Sutter): chases 1-1 curve ball and grounds weakly to second.
Polanco (seeing Mariano Rivera): chases slider 12 inches outside for strike 2 and chases slider 8 inches outside to ground to the pitcher. Stammen bails out the Brain by botching the soft grounder for an error.
Utley: (seeing Dennis Eckersly): Takes two pitches way outside then pops to short trying to pull an outside fastball
Howard: (seeing Brad Lidge): Chases 90-mph outside fastball for inning-ending strikeout.
Final score: Nationals 8 - Phillies 1
Final score in Chicago: Cubs 5 - Braves 4
Hope this blown opportunity doesn't hurt us in October!
I am Don Pigeon and I am OUUUTTTTT!!
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